how does that make you feel?

grad. school.....

hmmm....USC most likely not going to happen. UCLA doesn't offer a MFA in creative writing. Berkeley doesn't offer an MFA in creative writing only an MFA in English with a minor in creative writing. Wisconsin state has an amazing creative writing program i can even get my PH.D. NYU has an amazing program, Emerson yet another great program and reasonable requirements. Whats wrong with all these great programs is there not in California! so the question becomes am i a strong enough person where i can go get what i want and need but leave everyone i love behind? i don't know? my future seems unreal some unattainable dream its beautiful and dangerous. life is funny i cant even wrap my mind around it everything is happening so fast I've fallen madly in love with all my friends I've only know them for 3 yrs. some only 2 and still they are my sole mates they are the ones that god put in my life so that i would know what true love feels like. so what is a women to do when she still feels like a child? suck it up i guess apply and see where the good Lawd takes me. 3 semesters and I'm done with my time at vanguard.

"Come, you spirits

That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,

And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full

Of direst cruelty. Make thick my blood.

Stop up the access and passage to remorse,

That no compunctious visitings of nature

Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between

The effect and it! Come to my woman's breasts,

And take my milk for gall, you murd'ring ministers,

Wherever in your sightless substances

You wait on nature's mischief. Come, thick night,

And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell,

That my keen knife see not the wound it makes,

Nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark

To cry “Hold, hold!”

Lady Macbeth Rules!!

catcher in the rye

I never really got it "Catcher in the Rye", the concept of a person saving all the innocent children from running over the edge. As i sit listening to yet another one of my friends shed tears over yet another asshole who's ruined her life that image of Holden Caulfield catching children popped into my brain. That is one of the most beautiful images in literature and i don't think i ever really grasped the power of it until tonight. There is so much evil in this world you cant seem to keep it off you and no matter where you turn its there in one form or the other. I'm tired of not having the answer. I'm tired of not knowing what to say or how to help. I want to protect the ones i love from going over the edge but i feel like there are too many and there all coming at me at once. We need more Catchers in the Rye!! Our world is falling apart.

11 year olds with attitudes and eating disorders

One day i wont have to work crappy side jobs where i make popcorn and take shit from 11 year olds with attitudes and eating disorders. One day i will be a successful author who teaches the future Hemingway's and Ammaniti's the finer points of creative writing.

I saw a very attractive man from UCLA while at work. I wanted to ask him if it was worth the 40,000 a year and if he was in the grad. program, but instead I handed him the incorrect change. I also broke my nail while at work.

i decided I'm going to name my first born Unferth.

hmmm... family violence. my heart breaks with clearity every time i leave that class. Dr. Leonard is amazing. I think its mind boggling how it is that shes not in the corner sucking her thumb with all that shit that she's seen. It blows me away how she still smiles and laughs! I've learned so much and I'm begining to understand.

on a lighter note i love getting to know interesting people and to realize that I'm not the only person with a twisted sense of humor and who recognizes how moronic people at this school are!! Stephine I'm talking about you my dear!! fuck theater majors! and their army hats!!